June 2022

So who knew parenting was so difficult? Your kid comes to you and says somebody pushed them. My first instinct/thought should not be, “well push them back” (because violence is never the answer…right?) What do you tell your child when they say someone at school is making fun of them? Knowing that “snitches get stitches”, do you tell them to go tell the teacher? I don’t have the answers to these questions. What I’ve found is that most of parenting is on the job training and at the end of the day, I just need to give myself some grace.

You want your kid to be the one who sticks up for the less popular kid who gets picked on, but let’s face it, were we? Do we try to shelter our kids so they don’t feel the pain and heartache we did? Does this help them or hurt them? Are we unintentionally creating a generation of children who can’t cope with disappointment? Again, I do not have the answers to such thought provoking questions. What I can do is be mindful and present in the rearing of my own child and work to instill the habits of being a good human being. I feel like if we focus on raising responsible, compassionate human beings, all the rest will fall into place. I wonder how many other people struggle with the thought that they will screw up their kids?

I struggle almost daily with whether or not I am doing more harm than good. I feel like as mothers we should build each other up, not tear each other apart. There is no need to make excuses for how you choose to live your life. It’s ok to work fulltime (that doesn’t make you a bad parent), it’s ok to be a stay at home parent (it’s one of the hardest jobs ever) and all points in between. Not only do we need to give ourselves grace, but we need to extend that grace to each other.

I am guilty of believing that I am the only person who feels a certain way but what I have learned is that if I am feeling it, there is a safe bet at least one other person is feeling the same way or going thru the same thing. So I give myself, and now you, permission to say out loud what you feel/think/are going thru. For so long I have talked myself out of writing this blog; in fact, I still struggle (once I get in my own head, it is very difficult to get out of it) with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. But as I have said and will continue to say, “if this helps at least one other person find their voice or find the light in an otherwise very dark space or to not feel completely alone, then I will be happy.”

I have to let go of the fear of not measuring up, the fear of being judged and the fear of getting it all wrong. I listen to a LOT of podcasts and something I heard (I wish I could remember who said it so I could give credit) that actually stuck with me because it was seemingly simple, yet powerful: “once you let go of the fear of getting it wrong, you will be amazed at your success” (paraphrased). Read. That. Again. It’s so true. As I struggle daily with being more present, this helps remind me to at least try. If the worst that happens is you get it wrong or you fail, so what? Think of all you have learned in the process. Something my child struggles with is the fear of failure, so much so that sometimes she doesn’t even try. In one of our many discussions on the matter, I asked her what she was really afraid of. She told me she was afraid of looking foolish or stupid in front of others. My advice to her was the above quote and I encouraged her to at least try. In not trying, you’re still not accomplishing anything and even if it doesn’t turn out how you hope, at least you learned a lesson, hopefully. (Of note, this is an ongoing conversation and I have seen small strides).